Song Of The Day 3/1/2014: Eddie Lawrence - "The DJ's Philosopher"

Nobody in this business we call show ever got more usage out of a specifically stylized boilerplate than Eddie Lawrence got from his 1956 novelty single "The Old Philosopher." I would be bowled over if you have never heard it in some form or another, because he kept recording it. Over and over. New versions of Lawrence's mock-motivational monologue, outlining dire situations and exhorting stick-to-it-iveness, dotted the Dr. Demento timeline from the 1950's through, no joke, 1994.

"The Old Philosopher" was redone in special versions about football, show biz, tourists, salesmen, anything. Lawrence was even called in to do a TV commercial for Harry Nilsson's Pussy Cats album (shown below). It's like Fig Newtons: There's just no point in fussing very much with the formula. "The DJ's Philosopher" was one of the earlier alternate versions Lawrence put out. I think it might have been done very hurriedly, because you can hear someone else in the studio snickering. This was obviously intended to get DJs' attention.

In fact, there's nothing stopping Lawrence from doing another round in 2014 because he's still alive: Tomorrow he turns 95. Well -- I wouldn't know. Perhaps he's alive but not well. But if he's still active, I'd love to hear him riff on Justin Bieber: "You say you're all out of that Mary Jane, and you can't get more because your dad's still at the track? You say the speed bumps they just put on your street made you spin out during your last drag race and mess your hair up? You say you're craving a Denver omelet but your associates just threw all your eggs at the neighbor's house? Is that what's buggin' you, bunky?"